Isabellaxsabrinaa 🩷
@IsabellaSabrina · 4:36
Strict Parents Results In Lack of Dating Experience
And a lot of them are married now, and a lot of them are having kids. And I'm not saying like, I'm trying to jump the gun or rush anything. That's not at all what I'm getting. But I feel like I was disserviced and put at a disadvantage when it came to dating. In high school, I had a few flings, situationships. I wouldn't say they were very stable. They weren't real, like boyfriend girlfriend relationships
Cheryl Dennis
@Lavendermenace · 4:29
And I found somebody in my. Almost my junior year of college that had similar ideas to me and wanted the same things I wanted. And I thought that's what it took. Right. I didn't understand the fire inside me. Ten years post divorce from that same person I just talked about, I've discovered the fire inside me, and it's taken a long time to get here
Isabellaxsabrinaa 🩷
@IsabellaSabrina · 4:50
I don't know whether my parents would get it because I've had multiple people talk to them, and they still don't get it. But thank you for choosing to do and be better for your kids. That's awesome. As someone who wish they had that as a child, I want to say you're doing very, very good. Who cares what anyone says about your parenting style?
Swell Team
@Swell · 0:15
Cheryl Dennis
@Lavendermenace · 3:43
I appreciate your compliments about my parenting style and how I've changed it from my childhood, but what I've realized is that some of it was reactionary. Right? And reactionary parenting is not always the way that it should be. No, that's not what I mean to say. Reactionary parenting is sometimes just as bad as doing what your parents did because you turned out okay. I think it's the opposite extreme of that continuum
Isabellaxsabrinaa 🩷
@IsabellaSabrina · 4:31
Adults always have the final say, respect your elders, that type of mindset. And when you transition from being in the Caribbean your whole life to America, which is very westernized and parenting is very. On a spectrum of various, like, how involved, how not involved a parent is, whatever. I'm gonna try to take what you said and try to implement that in my life. I currently
Maverick
@MaverickAce3 · 4:56
But now that I'm a mother, I recognize those things and recognize how damaging it was to me. You know, when I found out I was pregnant, the first thing I said was, I'm gonna do everything opposite of what they did. Let's just see how it goes. You know? I know raising children is not a game, but they say parenting doesn't come with a book
Maverick
@MaverickAce3 · 5:00
If you love your child, I know from my point of view, if I love my child, I love him so much that I don't try to protect him to the point where I don't allow him to experience, you know, I protect him in the sense that, hey, this is, you know, what you're trying. This is what you want to do
Maverick
@MaverickAce3 · 5:00
And both of them told me no. So the first thing in my head is, well, then how can you know it's bad? Why would you tell me it's bad if it's something you've never even tried? Why would you know? And I just. I felt like it was misleading. And, you know, maybe they didn't do drugs, but then maybe it was family members they saw, you know?
Maverick
@MaverickAce3 · 4:59
You know, I'm very fearful of the world, but I can't shelter him and protect him from it. I have to let him experience it. You know, I can't keep him from these things to one day, me not be here, and then he's left alone in the world to fend for himself. You know, that's how I was. I had to learn this and that and, you know, I had to learn from watching other people. I had to learn
Isabellaxsabrinaa 🩷
@IsabellaSabrina · 4:47
I also want to touch on the fact that, you know, when you said your parents said. Because I said so, lord, do I know how many times I've heard that my whole life? Because I said so. Because I'm the parent, you're the child. I'm not arguing with you. Like, all of those stuff, it was, it. It was never a welcoming and safe environment
Isabellaxsabrinaa 🩷
@IsabellaSabrina · 4:43
And for you to be self aware of, like, you're trying to create that space for your child so they don't feel like how you felt when you were growing up, that is. That is very amazing. And as someone who wished they had that as a child growing up, you're doing great. You're doing everything that you need to do. You literally said it yourself, like, the generational trauma stops with you. It's not going to go to your child
Isabellaxsabrinaa 🩷
@IsabellaSabrina · 4:41
Like, I never wanted to put myself in that position of being unaware of my surroundings and my wellbeing and my body. But I could understand that doing hard drugs for you was allowing you to escape from your reality. I have done that, too, before, but in a different way. For me on how I escape reality, I just, you know, used to just shut down. Like, that was my coping mechanism growing up
Isabellaxsabrinaa 🩷
@IsabellaSabrina · 4:56
And I just want to let you know that you're not alone and that the progress that you have made so far, it is going to help you and propel you in the future and in the long run, regardless. It's just very frustrating that when your parents just won't open their eyes and listen and see and try to understand, like, what we're telling them. Like, by you not healing your trauma, it got transferred to me by you not having certain conversations
javon johnson
@motoblanco · 5:00
They're going to go out there and date. Unless their parents strictly prohibit dating. As long as there's no prohibition on it, the child is gonna go out there and date and do what they feel like doing. Well, you know, I'm beginning to wonder that maybe you are not. Oh, no. Assertive. Assertive enough or outgoing enough during that period of your life to really give yourself the full dating experience. But listen, it's no big deal
javon johnson
@motoblanco · 2:19
You know, just, just to finish up what I was saying, I think, you know, a scenario where it could become a problem is, you know, where someone gets into their, you know, they're in their mid to late thirties or they're in, they go into their forties and they think they don't have much dating experience
Maverick
@MaverickAce3 · 4:56
But, like, I was thinking, thinking about that, and it's pretty cool that the more colors I used, the more. The more feelings I felt like I needed to get out. The darker the colors I used showed, you know, my anger or showed how I felt about a situation, you know, like, it's pretty cool. It's pretty, pretty amazing. But, yeah, I had so many paintings that I had to start giving them away
Maverick
@MaverickAce3 · 4:58
So I'm prepared to, you know, some questions that he might have from the book and stuff, but about teens not talking to their parents about dating issues, you know, they don't really have a that problem because they're allowed to date. So they kind of experience it firsthand, you know, in the moment
Maverick
@MaverickAce3 · 4:59
I mean, like, there's no, like, I know from when I grew up, I didn't have a brain of my own, pretty much. Like, I was just an extension of my parents. I didn't have the chance to make right decisions or wrong decisions. Um, he was like, I'm making the decision for you. No. You know, just no. And it's, um. There's no
Maverick
@MaverickAce3 · 5:00
That we had or causing a scene to, you know, just. Just things that it really, you know, I didn't know how had I had, you know, experience dating, I would have known the right and wrong. You know, sometimes I would give in to her because I, you know, I always had that. That fear and. And, you know, never thought, you know, my mom would do something like that
Isabellaxsabrinaa 🩷
@IsabellaSabrina · 4:57
Those are the kind of things in the conversations of why I talk about these things on my podcast, because, once again, these are things that are taboo in the black community. It's like, don't have sex. Don't, you know, date. But as soon as you hit 25, it's, when are you having grandkids? When are you getting married? The disconnect, it's weird
javon johnson
@motoblanco · 4:31
But they also want to make sure that their, their kid is going out into the world and interacting with the opted sex. Because I think most, most modern parents nowadays, it's kind of like, well, my son is a nice looking kid, or my daughter, but they don't have any. She doesn't have a date to the prom or she's home every weekend because she doesn't have a boyfriend or she doesn't have any male friends
Chantal Angelique
@chantalangeliqu · 5:00
And I want to be extremely clear that I am so happy that I have a child because he has literally helped mold me into the woman, into the woman that I am today and the woman that I wanted to become, and I was failing at that prior to having him. That being said, a child comes with another person. There's that attachment there that's not always healthy. It's not always good. So that's what my result was
Chantal Angelique
@chantalangeliqu · 5:00
There are rough sides to my reality. A lot of things have become difficult. I've had to make a lot of sacrifices. You know, I have to be superwoman all the time, and it can become overwhelming. But I do feel that it has taught me a lot about how I want to raise my child. I do want to be realistic
javon johnson
@motoblanco · 5:00
But as far as, like, well, maybe, you know, getting involved in ethically non monogamous relationships or maybe having sex on the fifth or 6th date. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how my parents values kind of influenced that one. I don't know. It's. I don't know. I really don't know. We. We kind of have to just kind of like, use our own judgment in those areas
javon johnson
@motoblanco · 2:30
Our confidant and our good advisor on how to navigate these. The stuff, those people are lucky. Those people are blessed. But I think most of us, you know, just. We don't. We don't have that kind of relationship with our parents in those areas, you know? I mean, look, my father taught me to work hard, you know, do not disrespect women. Provide for your woman and take care of your kids